I am me


I am me you see. I am very soon to turn 44 years of age. In the grand scheme of things, I agree, 44 is not that old. Compared to the age of the universe for example, estimated to be approximately 13.8 billion years old, source found here I am but a mere glint in the eye of the creator. Of course, some will argue, that the universe is between 6000 and 10'000 years old, as some Christians do, and others different ages again. But, I am not writing this as a thesis on the maturity of our universe. No, I am writing it from a soon to be 44 year old point of view, and my place in it. 
I don't have an issue with age. I cannot halt it. I cannot press pause, alight from a point in time, and when the mood takes me, press play, and carry on again. Isn't there a saying, time waits for no man? Maybe I should be a woman! I don't think I have heard the phrase, time waits for no woman. Maybe I haven't heard it, because I am a man! Maybe I have not listened closely enough. Who knows...not I.
However, what I do know, is, that at nearly 44 years of age, I still, at times, do not feel grown up enough to deal with life every day. There are days when I just want to hide under the duvet, and pretend I am in a dark mystical cave, ready for adventure in a far away land!
But then, I do get claustrophobic, so they would have to be very short adventures! 
I have two beautiful children. A 10 year old son, who is soon to be 11, and a 4 year old daughter, soon to be 5. I also have a beautiful wife, who loves me. Incidentally, my son, shares the same birthday as me, an everlasting birthday present he tells me! They light up my world on most days. On other days, there are times when I would like to play dead! Put my fingers in my ears, say la la la la, I can't hear you, fain amnesia, anything, so that I can just be me. Who is me? Well, I make people laugh, I have, I think, a good sense of humour. I have my time of the month! Men suffer too you know! I can have more swings in mood, than a swinging swingy thing. I try to show compassion and love for others. Sometimes, I just want to tell the world and his dog to jog on!
I am me you see. 43, soon to be 44, still figuring out what it is I am meant to be doing. Of course, I do daily things, as we all do. I get up, I sometimes eat breakfast. I do life's mundane things during the day, whether that be going to work or wandering like a dementia patient around the supermarket attempting to get the weekly shop. Why is it, that everyone else it seems, at the supermarket knows where everything is?! They seem to stride around with their steel chariots, purposefully feeding them produce with gay abandon! I feel as though I have stepped into a foreign land, where I understand no one, or nothing of the local customs!! It is, to me, a mystery of our universe.
Similarly it is with the same sense of confusion and utter despair that I attempt to go shopping for various things, we as a household may need. These trips usually happen as a family, so I am saved by the one who knows...the wife!
Yes I know the earlier example relating my wanderings to a dementia patient may seem cruel. I am, however, able to use that term with no feelings of remorse. I lost my dear mum to it, at a young age. So step away from the dementia bashing help line number!
I am me you see, trying to find my way through what Prince so eloquently stated, "this thing called life" and this is the way I see it.

(©) Dom Giddy 2017



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