Inevitable destination

Life is a journey they say. A journey with an inevitable destination. The ultimate check out, where the lights get switched off for good...they say. 

Who are "they" I wonder? Are they a group of wise people haggard by time. And due to the effects of time, have creased wrinkled faces? These creases and wrinkles shooting off in varying directions similar to a map of capillaries, arteries and veins. 

The more observant of you may have noted, I use the term "Wise people" as opposed to "Wise men" These politically correct times in which we live, I thought it best. 

Although I assume the majority of the world's population agree with me on the final inevitable outcome of life's journey. The final destination however, I imagine is one of conjecture.

Many religions have varying ideas and beliefs on what happens when you reach life's final stop. Then to alight onto a newly trod platform.

The below link is wiki's take on it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afterlife

Make of it what you will. 

Me? Well, as a Christian, John chapter 3 verse 16 sums it up.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Where that eternal life is, I don't know other than knowing it as heaven, I haven't a clue really what heaven is like  I certainly do not have all the answers. 

I would like to think that heaven is a place where I can recognise lost loved ones. A place of eternal peace and happiness. I hope it has a drum kit, and at the very least...a house band!

As I say, I do not have all of the answers, and on some days, well, I don't have any answers at all. 

As I write this at the age of 45, I am at the stage in my life when I have come to realise that my body is starting to let me down more frequently than it used to. For the last 2 years or so, I have been suffering from aura migraines. Initially, I lose a small pin prick of vision, which over the following 10 to sometimes 40 minutes results in spectacular jagged edge spinning patterns, passing across both eyes, my vision deteriorating as this phase of the migraine develops. Very psychedelic! Then of course comes the pain like a slow moving, dirty heavy diesel locomotive along a vast Siberian plain. Straining under the weight of it's many cargo laden carriages. It seems a long way off at first due to the sheer size of the plain. Inevitably however, it lumbers ever closer, ever noisier, bringing with it rumbling ground and overbearing fumes. 

Other minor ailments bother me too, but I won't bore you with those! 

However, one other extremely annoying ailment I will share with you is tinnitus. I have it predominantly in my left ear. It has become very prominent following a recent long winded 72 hour migraine attack. This particular migraine ended nearly 2 weeks ago, yet my left ear is doing it's finest impression of the noise you hear when a jet aircraft engine is idling. Only a few pitches higher, unfortunately though, equally as constant. I have become rather inure to it over the last 14 days or so. 

This phase of my journey I hope will soon be over. Over as swiftly as a high speed non stop commuter train hurtling through a station. The following rush of air dust and leaves, the only evidence of it having been there. Leaving behind it a calm silent stillness. Oh, to have silence. 

My journey is going to take me who knows where? 

I have been in the same employment for almost 10 years. Of course, that is pretty good going these days. I have seen many people come and go over the years. I am wondering if I'm rolling into the station where the line terminates for this part of my journey in the near future. I don't know. I guess I feel a little unsettled by the resident jet aircraft sitting waiting for take off clearance in my left ear. 

I really can become quite irascible with the whole situation. 

This can then lead me to exit the bimbling through life carriage where I find myself on this train of life, and move into the guilt carriage. As I don't want these situations to affect my role as a father or husband. Taking my concentration away from the importance of being a good father or husband. Diluting my ability to love wholly and completely as I become ever immersed by the flood of noise like a raging tsunami. 

I then move from the guilt carriage into the I'm not doing too badly carriage. I think this could possibly be the buffet car! 

I sit there for a while, consuming the feeling of just being. 

Undoubtedly at some point the mocking whispers of my hidden master call me. His name? Depression. Whispers growing ever louder, in time with the clatter of the wheels on the track. They start to fill the air, swirling around, constantly tapping on the window. I either succumb to the mocking whispers and move forward into the carriage which is pitch black or turn away and look for the light. If I find myself in this darkened carriage, the usual seats are replaced with hard wooden upright benches to highlight the discomfort and confusion.

Eventually though, I rediscover the light, banishing the master into the cold cargo carriage on this life train.

This journey I find myself on heading towards my inevitable destination is hopefully still a long one. A journey with many more interesting people to meet, and experiences to be embraced. 

I hope to be able to move through the carriages of my life train to the first class carriage, once there, no doubt think, too high class for me and instead head for the drivers cab and grab the controls with both hands.

Wherever you are on your life train, I hope you're having a smooth ride.

(©) Dom Giddy 2018