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Showing posts from 2018

The rolling mist

Depression, unfathomable. Descends from the mysterious plains of my mind. There is no apparent reason for it, not today at least. Numbness, ability to apply logic escapes me. I cannot see beyond my closest horizon, the ends of my fingers. Beyond these, it seems lost and desolate. The utter despair envelopes me like the rolling mist on an eery dark lake.  I cannot face even to tidy away mess in the house. Which is odd, as looking at the mess that surrounds me, does nothing to ease my darkness. I just want to weep, but am so numb, I cannot even manage to do this. I'm tired, so very tired, of trying to fight this. The depression and hopelessness is like a taunting bully, hiding in the shadows, prodding and poking when it senses a morsel of normality being felt. Never happy to let me be. I don't want to face the world, I don't want to face people. I want to be alone but don't want to be on my own. The thought of trying to be what people expect me to be petrifies me t

And on as a father I wander

Well, here I am again, wandering on as a father. It's been a while dear reader, I know. Time passes so quickly, and if I am completely honest, I think I have felt little inspiration to put digit to keypad. Since our last meeting, various events have taken place. As aforementioned, in my last entry, my eldest child, is well into his secondary school journey. He is undoubtedly growing, not only in a physical sense, and, it seems, he has attained a little more height every night during his slumber, crawling from within his pit, a little more vertically imposing on the world, but also, grown in maturity, and swagger! The history behind my first born entrance to day one of his life, was by far an incredibly difficult start. However, with knowledge attained by watching him grow from babe, to an almost 12 year old, the difficult start makes complete sense. That light bulb Eureka moment. He was very poorly when born, despite weighing what seemed at the time, a very healthy 10lbs 12.5oz. It